We are in the last phase of loving yourself, Phase IV. I am going to touch a little bit on dating in this section and again in the next part. Even if you already have a partner, there is still valuable information in this section. As a single woman, you have a lot of opportunities to find what you want in a partner. There are so many experiences that an individual can have if they just open their hearts to others and treat them respectfully, it does not even mean romantically. We spend so much time rejecting people that don’t fall into the social norms we restrict who we invite into our lives. You must brave enough to challenge society and let people in that don’t make that social cut. When you do, you will start to realize that those superficial surface things don’t make that person who they are. All of it sudden the desultory surface fog clears, and you are looking directly into that person’s beautiful soul. We learn to accept them for who they are and what they are, and that is where love grows.
I worried a lot about my body and how I looked so I avoided dating and a lot of social gatherings out of fear of rejection. When I finally decided to put myself out there, I found out I was so wrong about how I thought people saw me. I am totally loveable and funny, and lots of women enjoy my company. I have a lot of friends at work. Men compliment me and say I am “beautiful.” OMG, can you say that again, please? I am a plus sized woman, and I am “beautiful.” They also say that I am “gorgeous” and “so pretty.” I had no idea that I had this much appeal at the age of 40. I welcome it because It is the best feeling ever. Because of it, I have learned to be more sensual. What do I mean by sensual? Well I mean I have learned to carry myself in a way that awakens and delights a man’s senses. They have an appetite for me, but they know not to eat what is on my plate until I say they can.
Most guys really do feel like it is ok to treat women any way they like and women are just expected to take it and not express how untasteful it really is. The reality of it is that women are expected to give men a be an a** pass, like, ALL the time. I have read all the articles that say “Why is your man pulling away?” They are so full of BS! That is giving guys a be an a** pass after a be an a** pass and so on. He never has to be responsible for his unethical and immoral actions. I don’t provide those passes to any man. They send d**k pics when we don’t ask for them. I tell them to quit sending them, and if it happens again, then I am done talking to them. They say vulgar things about masturbating to our photos. I tell them that is inappropriate to tell a woman. To me, that is perverted and creeper behavior. Most guys see me as a woman who is too hard handle and too high maintenance if she reacts to poor treatment. It is ok to be a sensual woman who wants to be respected. As you know, I have two daughters. I am a single mom who dates. My daughters see me dating and are learning the dating ups and downs from my experiences. I do not hide the fact that guys can be very inappropriate sexually. I do not want them undereducated on guys, sex, and dating, but I want to set a positive example of how a woman should act when dating. I want them never to feel afraid to demand respect from a man.
For example, I really would not like it if my girls were sharing nude photos with boys at school. I am a mother of two daughters. I think it would be very inappropriate, as a parent, for me to ask them not to send nudes and then turn around and do it myself. I am the woman they admire and the woman they learn from, and I am teaching my daughters to respect themselves so as the woman they look up to I have to respect myself enough to say to guys, no, I am not sending you a nude pic. I have to wonder if any of these guys who just think about sex and disrespect women to get it have daughters. I wonder if those guys would be ok with their daughters being treated inappropriately by a guy in the way they do.
I wondered how guys would respond to a woman treating them the way they treat us, so there were a few times I tried it. I did not get a positive response at all. These two guys resorted to name calling and were very mean about it. One afternoon I met this guy on a dating app, and we started talking. He said he was watching a football game later in the evening with his friend and wanted to know if I would come. I agreed. When I got there, he was charming walked out to get me and hugged me. We went inside talked a little bit and watched the game. He kept getting on his dating app checking for messages from other women. Spoiler alert, there were none. He was doing this right in front of me, so when my youngest daughter started texting me about putting a pizza in the oven, I felt no guilt in texting her back. When I would get my phone out, he could see all of my notifications for my dating apps and my texts. He kept looking to see who I was talking to, even though I told him who it was. He finally commented, “Wow, your phone is really blowing up.” I said nothing. Pretty soon he asks me “What is this that you are wearing?” It was my favorite butterfly and flower leather jacket that my mom and dad got me for Christmas. Before I could answer, he says “I don’t like it.” I said, “Ok, you don’t have to like it, it is mine, and I like it.” His friend was in the kitchen and yelled into the living room “Hey dude, why don’t you ask your guest if she would like a drink.” He looked at me and said to his friend “Don’t offer her a drink, she is only here to suck my d**k.” Then he says to me “Attractive guys don’t put much effort into fat blow jobs, sorry. I hope you understand.” I said “Is that so? Is there a private room we can go to?” He got excited because he thought I was going to prove him wrong. We got to the room, and I made sure that he was very turned on. He was enjoying my work, and he was begging for me to give him a blow job. I stopped, and I got up, and I said: “See, here is the thing, fat blow jobs don’t put much effort into rotten a**holes.” Then I walked out of the room to the front door, while I was walking out I told his friend “Thanks for not being an a**.” I walked out to my car. This guy comes running out of the house with his pants down yelling some obscene things in the front yard. I just smiled, got in my car, blew him a kiss and left.
The other guy I also met on a dating app. He got right to business inviting me into his bed. I told him several times that I don’t work that way and I was not coming to his house. We didn’t talk the rest of the night. The next day he tells me “I am sorry, I am a guy, and that was inappropriate, but I think you are very sexy.” Then he continued to ask me to come over for other reasons. I felt like something was off, that this was a fake nice I was getting, so I said: “I don’t make plans with guys any longer since it is not in their best practice to keep them.” He said, “Oh, ok, so how about Friday?” My response was “Maybe on Friday we can hang out, but I have to see what my kids want to do first.” I got two messages back from him the first one read “Maybe?” and the second one read “fat c**t.” I went from “sexy” to “fat c**t” just for responding to him how most guys respond to women.
I did report both of these guys to the dating app. Women do not need to tolerate that kind of abusive behavior. I talk about this more in next weeks blog: Slice two: Pineapples Have a Tough Exterior. Your homework for this phase is to take back your respect. Do not be afraid to tell guys how to respect you and other women. If we keep building up women to fight back against sexual harassment and call these men out, we can take our respect back and keep our innocence. We can lead our little girls to fight for respect. Let’s help women stand up and fight back!
If you have any questions or comments for me, please leave them below. As Tigger says “TTFN, TaTa For Now.”